Much of the practical advice given to churches and pastors doesn’t fit the dynamics of small church ministry. Of course, there are exceptions. Some authors lead small churches, offer great advice, and even write good books. But many times, those who seek to help may miss the mark. Books on how to succeed and prosper as a pastor fill shelves. Courses abound. Seminars are available. However, with a few exceptions, little of what is available fits the small church leader.

There are several problems with the advice we find:

The underlying assumptions are too broad. Many years ago, I led a small church in decline. I accepted the call to help the church turn around. But changes were resisted. It took years of faithful service and teaching before they agreed to change. The church finally decided to replant. To help, my district leadership recommended I attend a class designed for restarting churches. I won’t say the program because I am going to be critical. It is a good program, but its underlying assumptions did not fit.

This program was created more for a district to replant churches. It was not for how a pastor would go about it. Step one: remove the pastor. The class claimed that the current leadership was the source of the problems and must be removed. I was shattered. I was already struggling with self-doubt because the church had refused to follow my lead. The church had been struggling long before I arrived. I had been trying for years to help the church despite resistance. Now, I was being told that everything was my fault. Not all struggling churches struggle for the same reason. A struggling church is not always a failure of leadership. A leader must be followed to be effective. Simply blaming the pastor for all church issues assumes that struggling or lack of growth results from the pastor. Your church may be struggling because of your actions. But your church may be struggling despite your actions.

In the same way, growth may not be because of your actions but may be unrelated to them. This last one is rare, but it has happened. Be careful about taking assumptions too far. To assume “Church growing, pastor good. Church struggling, pastor bad” is too simple. The course helped in many ways, but our replant did well despite much of what it taught, not because of it. But it also reinforced certain doubts in myself.

Consider the source. I also love to talk about ministry with fellow pastors and leaders. I seek advice actively. I believe God may speak through Godly friends and leaders. I seek out these conversations. I have received some excellent advice and have been better for it. I have also received terrible advice. When I took that bad advice, the results were on me. It often happened because I did not consider the source. When people give advice, consider whether they have ever been in a similar situation. Part of considering the source includes looking at how the advisor has modeled it. There is both positive and negative advice. Positive advice tells what to do; negative tells what not to do. For example, if they fail, perhaps they can advise you on what not to do—or serve as an example of what not to do. I have learned from many negative examples in my life. My father was one source. From him, I learned how not to be a man, a father, or a husband. Please don’t be offended on his behalf. He has passed, and I learned before his death that he had come to Christ. We also reconciled before his death. But the truth should not be hidden. To this day, I strive to be unlike him. I know many friends who learned the same lessons from their fathers.

Problems can come or be exacerbated when we take advice from the wrong source. The worst advice I have ever received came from leaders above me. Shortly after sensing a call into the ministry, I soon saw an example of how not to be a pastor. We were planning my son’s funeral. I had asked the Assistant Pastor to do the funeral. The Senior Pastor took offense and demanded that I have him do it. God used very imperfect men to show me what not to be.

I know of a pastor who was asked to help a small, struggling rural church after a very successful one. Though young, this pastor wisely took a patient approach—winning the people over before pushing through changes. One day, the pastor was scolded by his district superintendent (DS). He was told, “No! You are in the honeymoon stage. You go back and force through the things you want. They will forgive you later.” He assumed that since the DS had been in ministry longer, he must know what he was talking about. My friend complied. Within two years, he resigned from the church and still has nightmares about his time at that church. His grown children don’t want to attend church because of what they experienced there. He hadn’t considered the source. The DS had never pastored a small church or a struggling one. He had no idea what he was talking about. Don’t just accept all the advice given.

Your solution will be as unique as your situation. I love to read. Anyone who knows me would define me that way. When I was a child, I struggled with reading. An elderly teacher pulled me aside and personally tutored me. Since then, I have consumed books. I am happiest with a book in hand. Like most of us, I read a great deal on pastoral leadership. I just finished a good one: Tripp’s Dangerous Calling. I highly recommend it to every pastor or church leader. He speaks about the dangers of pride and self in pastoral ministry. However, many illustrations are simply not relatable to small church pastors. His ministry included success in areas many dream about. And those called to small church ministry (especially rural ministry) know we likely will never experience what he did. While pride can be a problem for the small church pastor, I would argue there is a far more common problem for us. Small church pastors seem to struggle with Imposter Syndrome rather than being puffed up by pride. Others tell us, “Success is found in this approach.” But we don’t have the resources—money, facilities, or people—to consider it. We are told, “Don’t get prideful when people praise you for the exponential growth of the church,” but we may struggle to retain that one family who still has kids or the person who plays an instrument. Some books say, “To be a real church, you must dedicate X percentage of your budget to missions and outreach.” We may struggle to keep the lights on and the pastor supported. And before it is assumed that the people are not giving, they may also be struggling to keep the lights on and the family fed.

People are always ready to define what is and is not a thriving church. My church has been pronounced dead many times. Usually, this is because they do not understand our situation—where we are and what we face. To assume that all churches face the same problems is silly. Each is unique. For example, many will claim a church is dead if there are no children. They think you might as well close the doors. But what if the church is in a small town with few children? What if the church is ministering in a retirement area?

Some advice is fine in small doses, but more would be poison. Many of the things that are helpful and healthy are dangerous if taken in too great a dose. We’ve all heard of people who figure if a small dose of medicine works, a larger dose will work better. Even water, that essential element, is deadly if one drinks too much too quickly. I have seen pastors take advice but go too far with it. Often, one must exercise wisdom to know the correct dose. I know of a pastor who read and enjoyed a book called Sacred Cows Make Great Burgers. He was inspired to implement a few changes in his church but was very selective and patient. His people received those changes well. He recommended it to a friend. The way that friend brought the book into his church blew the congregation apart. He took the advice but did not apply wisdom to its implementation. Just because a book says, “You should do this,” does not mean you should do it. And just because a small dose of the recommendation works doesn’t mean large doses will work better.

Pastor, don’t let those who have no idea what you face tell you how you should face it. Don’t let them paint you as a failure when they don’t understand what success looks like in your area or church. Don’t give in to syndromes, depression, and envy. Shepherd the flock under your care and do your best for the kingdom. When taking advice, do it like eating a good steak. Eat the steak and throw away the bone. Take what fits your situation, but ignore the rest.