As pastors, various people and groups often ask questions. Several years ago, I was asked to consider serving at a particular church. An elder of that church called to chat, and we discussed several questions. This practice is common. We talked for about 40 minutes, and things went well. His last question was, “What is your theology?” I answered accurately. But I answered the wrong question. I went into about a 35-minute “brief” exposition of the differences between Dispensationalism, Covenant Theology, and what is sometimes known as New Covenant Theology. I touched on issues of Israel and the Church. I touched on brief points of eschatology. I enjoyed it and felt I was making some excellent points. The elder was polite, but I realized afterward that he was overwhelmed. I had a feeling that I would not be considered for the church. As we hung up, I suddenly realized he only wanted to know if I believed a person could or could not lose their salvation. People often use this as definitive of Calvinist or Arminian theology, thus how he worded his question. I should have dug deeper.

This mistake happens often. For much of my time in ministry, I habitually poured out every detail about a subject when asked a simple question. I now jokingly refer to it as putting out a birthday candle with a firehose. It took years to learn this lesson. I still fail.

When people ask a question, there are four answers to consider. These choices are not a question of truth, false, and shades of gray. No. These four answers for each question we asked are:

• The answer they expect
• The answer they want
• The answer they need
• The answer they are ready to receive

The answer they expect comes from assumptions and biases. They know enough about you—or assume enough—to expect you to answer a given way. I see this a lot when doing marital counseling. If one does not want to come, they may expect certain things. I’ve seen many times where one expects to be painted as the bad guy, so when their spouse asks a question, that person tightens up. One area where this is common is in discussions of moral questions. As evangelicals, we hold a high view of scripture. We also have firm convictions of scriptural moral commands, including homosexuality. But often, the assumption is that we hate homosexuals. So, when the question is raised, a hateful answer is expected. You can usually see the expression as they expect something similar to Westboro Baptist Church. They may be shocked when they do not receive this answer.

When referring to the answer they want, I mean those people who come to you with a question but mostly ask as a formality. They already know what they want to hear. When they hear a different answer, it may even upset them. One place this happens is in questions of morality. They want to hear us say, “It’s OK. God doesn’t care about that,” or some form of this. They want us to tell them it’s alright. They want us to tell them what they want is what God wants. I’ve had people claim God wanted them to leave their spouse. They came hoping I would agree. It didn’t go well. I knew the answer they wanted. But it was one I could not give. The problem is that, too often, they want the wrong answer. The correct answer is usually the hard one. No one hopes to hear the hard answer. But that brings us to the third answer.

The answer they need is the one that meets them where they are, answers the actual question being asked, and does so truthfully. Sometimes, it must confront the answer they want—and the reason behind the want. It may hurt. It may strike the heart and soul. It is often a call to lay aside what is most precious and to pick up a cross. No one wants to pick up the cross. It may include words like “repent” and “confess.” It may consist of judgments like “immoral” and “wicked.” But it is safe to say it should always do so in a way that draws people to Christ. It often requires directness that may make answering uncomfortable. Therefore, it also demands courage. Telling someone what they need and sweeping aside their desired answer is difficult. It also takes wisdom. This wisdom helps us to know the final answer listed above.

When speaking of answers they are ready to receive, many misunderstand. By this, I do not mean sugarcoating the truth or holding back answers because the person may not like them. That is covered under answers they want and need. No. I am referring to those times the person may not be ready to hear the answer. There may be something missing. As an example, when one of my children was little, I was asked, “Dad. Where do babies come from?” I told the truth, “They come from mommy’s belly.” She went on to ask, “Ok. But how does the baby get in there?” My daughter was too young for a detailed explanation of human sexuality and reproduction. I followed the example of Corrie Ten Boom’s father. I told her, “You are not yet ready to understand that answer. But I promise I will give you the answer the day you are ready.” She seemed satisfied, knowing the answer would be provided someday. It was most uncomfortable keeping that promise when she was ready.

Sometimes, it may be because the person is too young or immature. But there are other examples. When I was in sales, we were trained to have our “Elevator Pitch.” This sales pitch explained the product in a single elevator ride. It was short, to the point, and informative. But how many theological questions can be answered so quickly? Many require background information, context, definitions, etc. If you ask a question, it would be a waste of time for me to answer it if you are not ready to process the answer. I see this when people ask me about my eschatology. A simple answer usually brings confusion because the person may not be aware of views other than the one espoused by Left Behind. I give them the answer they are ready to receive. In time, more can be filled in.

Recall what I said about putting out a candle with a firehose. We must be wise enough to know how much of the answer the person is ready to receive. There is an old story about a young preacher asked to fill the pulpit in a small ranching community. He prepared just like he did for larger churches. The day he was to preach, only a single elderly rancher showed up. He resolved to preach with fire and give his all to this man. After the sermon, the rancher said, “Nice sermon. But I have one word of advice. When I go out to feed the cows, if only one cow shows up, I don’t dump the whole load on him.” We need to know when to give the whole answer or part of it. If giving part, we can build on that later. But if we dump too much on them, we may never get another chance.